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Fiction

“I have a philosophical secret!”

The lowest-rated Jerry Springer show ever.

Crowd: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

Jerry: Today’s guests are here because they can’t agree on fundamental philosophical principles. I’d like to welcome Todd to the show.

Todd enters from backstage

Jerry: Hello, Todd.

Todd: Hi, Jerry.

Jerry: reading from card: So, Todd, you’re here to tell your girlfriend something.

…