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Television

SpongeBob SquarePants

Richard Snowden-Leak wants to know what the perfect burger tastes like.

Imagine a burger so delicious its very recipe is the cause of a feud between two former friends; a burger so enthralling that a cynical, depressed and overworked squid took one bite to develop an addiction so deadly that he exploded. Picture a burger so visually appealing that one can’t help but imagine the bounty of beef, the crispness of tomato, the saltiness of gherkin, and the fluffiness of its bun between your hands. What does it look like in your mind? What does it taste like?

I don’t know about you, but my mouth has started to water, and my stomach is suddenly aware of a burger-shaped hole. Welcome to my hell – into which I would be cast whenever I watched the TV show SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon, 1999 onwards) as SpongeBob donned his fry-cook’s hat. A deep hunger and jealousy burned in me at those polo-shirt-wearing fish patronising the Krusty Krab, the burger restaurant in the show, tucking into this nectar of the gods that I could never access, their famous burger the Krabby Patty.

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